Learning experience

I went to my 2nd accupuncture appt yesterday. And I still love it. She confirmed that I should give up caffeine next month, well and of course when I'm prego. I'm going to start going twice a week after I start the medicine, which is about a week and a half. My medicine gets delivered on the 6th. It's getting so close. I got my final balance for the IVF and then I'll be paying for the meds so the only thing left is the actual procedure. Yippee!
I've determined this part of my life is definitely a great learning experience. I'm learning how I should pay attention to others feelings when I say things because some of the things people say to me surprise me. I told one person yesterday about me and Adam doing IVF and this person was like, yeah we tried that and it didn't work. That's it. Nothing added,like I know it will work for you or good luck. Nothing! Why did this person think I wanted to hear that?! So, now I just now things I should say and things I shouldn't.

This past weekend

This past weekend we went to our friends Halloween party. It was a great time. I love hanging out w/ my friends. As I always do I when I go out, I went w/ every intention of not talking about my IVF. I just really think that some people don't want to hear any more about it and get annoyed. But, that didn't happen. I seem to either bring up things about it or some how make a connection between a conversation going on and a part of IVF. I don't know why I just can't not bring it up. I know I'm a person that wears her heart on my sleeve and everyone knows my emotions but I just don't want to bother people that dont' want to hear about. Yeah, it's a huge deal for me and we are super excited to be getting the chance to do this but not everyone cares. I just don't want to be the girl that people dont want to be around because all they hear is about me. I'm going to really work on it this. Of course, inside I'm going to be bubbling over w/ excitement that we're finally going to have another baby!

Opinion

Apparently I am overly consumed w/ IVF per my husband and probably other people. I'm fuming about this and extremely hurt. This is a very sensitive subject for me. I'm sorry if me doing the research I'm doing to make sure I do everything possible to make this work is making me seem overly consumed. You know, this procedure is mostly all about my body. I need to have it as healthy as I can to make this work. It's my body that is going to endure all the hormone shots and it is my body who could fail us. Which I won't let it! But, it's still a lot of pressure so I want to make sure I read about everything on my end that I can do to make this IVF procedure positive. Anyway, I just had to vent.

One more thing

So, I was actually thinking about something other than IVF the other night. I'm never going to be an aunt. When Jason has kids I'll kind of be one but we never see him so that won't be the same. It's just a bummer that I won't hear Aunt Jessie. I would make a great aunt. I was thinking that for the friends that are going to have more kids, they might run out family to be god parents, and I could be a runner up! That's just like being an aunt. Just a thought!

Accupuncture appointment

I had my first of many accupuncture appointment today. I did do this in the past a few times but I'm going to a new lady. She actually works w/ my doctor and the clinic. Accupuncture just amazes me! She is really a great lady. She did a little background review w/ me and then she checked my pulse and looked at my tongue! I would explain exactly why she did those things but I can't. There were lots of big words used. Ha! All I know is that it is a Chinese method (clicking method) and they are first working on getting me all centered and flowing right. It's great! When I was laying there, I so relaxed! I'm probably going to be going once a week and then twice a week. She said it is most important to go when my follies are growing w/ the medicine, when my embryo transfer is done and especially during the gruesome 2ww (2 week wait)! I am actually going twice on the day of my transfer. Before and after. they want to make sure you are nice and relaxed for those little eggies to nestle in. I know I'm definitley going during the 2ww. That is when all the anxiety occurs. She basically agreed w/ me on everything I'm doing to get myself ready for this. I need to be in a good place. Don't let things bother me and stay healthy and take care of myself. She LOVED that I'm taking Fish Oil. It's so good for everything! I recommend everyone to take it. Going to this appt just got me more excited for this. Even though I sometimes stop and think that this can't be me going through all this, I know I can do this and I know we are going to have another baby.
I just read something in Joel Osteen's new book. God doesn't give you a dream in your heart that you can't have. Not that it will always come easy; You might have to fight for it. That is definitely what we are doing. I'm thinking this baby should be named something like Miracle or Worth the wait! Ha!

No more negative

I'm hooked to this one message board that if for infertility. Everyone is very supportive and nice and are going through the same thing I am. It's nice to have people to talk to that have all the same thoughts you do. I know my friends and family are very supportive but unless you have been through infertility you really don't understand.
Anyway, I'm going to try and stop going to the message board until after my IVF. There were two people that I was following on the board very closely. They just went through the IVF transfer and so far one of them is pregnant while the other one isn't. I know it's a fact of life that IVF works sometimes and doesn't works sometimes. I just swore they were both going to be prego. I prayed and prayed for them. They both had fantastic egg count and great fertilization. The one who is so far BFN (big fat negative), had nothing wrong w/ the IVF cycle. She is so hurt and I totally understand. But, on the other hand reading about her made me realize that I can't continue to read the boards. I'm not naive to where I believe there is no negative things that can happen I just don't want to have those negative thoughts in my head. Right now if I hear stories, I want them to be positive. Because I'm thinking very positive but that doesn't stop those negative stories from creeping in to my brain every once in awhile. So, I"m going to continue to pray that she gets her dream of being a mom but not read about it anymore. (At least until I get my BFP.)
I start my first shot of Lupron on Nov. 12th. Woo Hoo! I never thought I'd be so happy to get a shot! Have I told anyone that I'm going to be pregnant in December. Ha!

Friends

I just have to say that I have great friends. I have lots of friends who help me each in their own way. Most of them don't even know their helping me. I wouldn't know where I'd be without my friends. I have a great family too but most of them are far away so my friends here are my family. They have let me be moody, emotional, selfish, etc and they still talk to me! Go figure. I just hope I am or can be as great to them as they are to me.
Since I start my IVF process next month, this month I'm releasing all my negative thoughts and feelings that I have. I'm working on becoming less stressed because stress is not good for anything. I just want next month to flow nice and easy and December too.
I'm thankful for the great people I have in my life.

Calendar

I have my calendar. Woo hoo! I'm on my way to another baby. I start all of my medicine and injections on 11/16. Then the egg retrieval will be approx. the beginning of Dec. and the embryo transfer around Dec. 8th. I can't wait. In less than a month I will be in the IVF process. I'm going to be doing accupuncture around that time. A lady they recommended knows the clinic and apparantly is really good at the fertility accupuncture. I'm so positive this is going to work. I told our nurse today that I want 3 embyros transferred back. She said w/ my age (which is a good thing) that he would probably want to put only 2 back. I don't care, if I put 3 back there is a better chance that at least one will stick. She said what if all 3 do. Well, then our family got a lot bigger really quick!
I still can't believe I'm going through IVF. I know no one ever looks in their future and sees IVF but, sometimes I feel like 'Wow, we are creating our baby!'
Another person I know just told me she was pregnant. I think half the people I know are prego. What's the deal? You know, when I find out I'm really happy for them and of course want the best for them. I don't feel like I'm upset but I realize I get a little crabby after that about stupid things. I want to be in the pregnant world! I want it to be me too. I think everyone I know that is prego should put their magic my way...

Being a mom

Not much is going on with my IVF stuff. Which is killing me. I want to be doing something. I try and try to eat better because they say that helps but I like food too much. Of course not the good kind of food. So, I'll keep trying. And I want to cut out caffeine but that one soda a day helps me.
So, I have time to do nothing but research IVF. And sometimes that too much research isn't good. I have to remember to read only the good and not the negative.
The other day Noah and I went to the park. I told him if he was good when some people were here that he could go play on the playground. I gotta tell you this ended up being one of the most memorable days. When we got to the park, the playground was closed so we walked on the trail. It was so great. We walked along the gravel trail and talked and picked leaves and held hands. It just reminded me why I love being a mom and staying home to share in those special moments. I can't wait to have more kids to join in the special moments. The more the merrier!

GREAT doctor appt today

We went to the doctor today and it was great. I had an ultrasound to see if I had any cysts or any kind of problems on my girl stuff. Ha! They checked my cervix uterus and most importantly they checked how many follies they might have to work w/. Well, I had 15 to 20 on each ovary. He said that was above normal. Yippee! That is without all the drugs. I'm beyond excited now. Everytime I go to the doctor and hear that everything is looking good, I get more and more convinced that we will be pregnant by December.
I've been so worried about why this is happening but now I'm just telling myself that I had a problem and now I have the solution...
I just wonder what is next now? I have most of the tests done now. Next, I think they will plan what protocol I will be on and when. Then I think we will meet w/ them to go over everything. Then I'll just be waiting.
I'm starting to work again to make time go by quick. It's working...

Husbands do care

Sometimes I'll think that Adam doesn't really care anymore if we have another baby. Probably just because he isn't consumed by it like I am. But, then he'll do something or say something that tells me he really does care. Not only does he care but he is positive about the IVF working.
He was sitting on the couch last night playing w/ Noah and was rocking him like a baby. He said that he couldn't wait to have another baby in the house and could rock him like he was doing to Noah. Then he started talking about Noah being a big brother and him holding the baby. It was a sweet moment.
Every once in awhile I feel like this is all my fault. That my body is failing me for some reason. And I was the one who worked out since I was 13 and try to excercise everyday. Not thinking I would ever have anything wrong w/me to not conceive another baby. And Adam just has to deal w/ it. He has never said that but when I'm down in dumps that is what sometimes come to mind.
I'm following a few ladies that are going through the IVF egg retrieval right now. It's making me so excited. In just 5 days these ladies will be considered pregnant. They are making me very optimistic about the IVF.
I know this is going to work! Tomorrow is my 1st ultrasound to check out my follicles and some other things. I'll let you know how this goes.

Bloodwork Good!

I'm just a little bruised after the blood they took, but I'm also really excited. My bloodwork came back really good. So, after Tuesday's ultrasound I'll have a calendar and know what kind of injections I'll be doing and all that good stuff.
I've been feeling really good about everything. I'm trying to keep busy and everyday and night I tell myself that this is going to work and we'll be pregnant in December. That little thought of how would I react if it doesn't work creeps in every once in awhile but I'm refusing to think more about that. I'm really trying to get on the spirtual side of things (which is big for me).I'm reading a book right now and it had a quote in there that I liked. I can find the exact quote in the book but it was saying basically that God hears your wishes and prayers but sometimes hold off and gives it to you at the right time. I'm really hoping that all of our negative pregnancy tests were for a reason. I've always wanted a big family so maybe I was supposed to be doing IVF for a better chance of multiple babies!
I realized that I never stop thinking about having another baby. I wonder if this is why I'm so tired? And you know when you get that new car and you see it every where on the road, well I see pregnant people everywhere! I think in 1 day I saw about 10. At one point 2 girls were walking into the store I was coming out of and they were both mama jamma prego. First of all good for them, second make me like that. Ha! I think the way I think about pregnancy is forever changed. It's is so precious and it doesn't always come as easily as we thought it would. I'm going to win this battle, that is for sure!

IVF in December!!!

We are all set to go for our IVF in December. WE are so excited and ready and little scared! Now that we have decided to do it I'm not looking back. I just know this is going to work. I'm going to make sure I keep working out and keep limiting my caffeine and I think next month I'm going back for more accupuncture. I want to do everything possible on my end to make this work. Of course every once in awhile the thought of the money that is going in for this and there is no guarantee comes across my mind. But, I'm blocking it out w/ good, positive thoughts.

I got a call from our doctor's office and I had to go in for some blood tests today to determine the protocol I'll be on and the calendar of events. Man, when they said blood tests, they mean it. I had to fill six or so viles of blood. Crazy! And then next Tuesday I'll be going in for some ultrasounds to look at my lovely follicles!

I'm just ready for December. I hate to wish my months away but I'm ready to be pregnant. Have you ever wanted something so bad you have ached for it? That is me right now. I feel like my body aches to be pregnant. I know that is extreme. But, the want is that bad! There are so many pregnant people around me and I just want to be them. So, if I stare at a belly it's because it's beautiful to me. I want to be going through all of it. Man, when I get big and fat (because I'm pregnant) I'm going to be loving life!

Oh and one more thing. Adam and I thought that since we weren't doing IVF till Dec. that we could try to conceive on our own one more month. But the chance of that is gone. They are putting me on BCP (birth control pills) now until Nov. 15th. They have to control my cycle. In a way I'm excited because I'm now in the process...